Don't mess with Texas

What, you may well ask, does the title of this latest installment of the ongoing saga of my wanderings mean? That's what Julian, my malodorous companion on my current trip to the US, asked himself as well. The phrase adorns roadside hoardings, bumper stickers, t-shirts and even a pack of playing cards in the hotel gift shop.

Since the petite and enormously polite young girl in the local coffee shop seemed unintimidating, and was therefore unlikely to pull out a .357 Magnum and blow a hole in him, Julian decided to bite the bullet, so to speak, and ask her. "Oh," she said, "I'm sure I don't know. Isn't it something about litter control?" The Texas oilman in the hotel bar was unequivocal: "It's telling them *#^%#* in Washington to keep their cotton-pickin' hands of our inalienable and constitutional rights," he boomed. "We don't want them thar carpetbaggin' sunzovbitches telling' us God-fearin' Texicans how to run our business." Julian and I were none the wiser.

The litter theory seemed to be the official version, but there is the secondary libertarian undertone which makes it witty and which can frighten the fleece off of a pacifist sheep. At the end of the day we just couldn't imagine the Holiday Inn in Slough having a pack of cards in their lobby with the phrase "Keep Britain Tidy" emblazoned upon it.

Lest there be any misapprehension that we are not feeling right at home in Houston, this is one of the most welcoming of American cities and everyone is continually wishing us a pleasant next twenty-four hours. More importantly, this is the home of the original and much-beloved FOB (the Feisty Old Broad) - Jane Stilley. Jane is the nicest lady in Texas, and also one of my biggest fans (she puts up with Julian and even pretends she likes him but it is only me she really bonds with). She organised the truly memorable reunion we held at the Rainbow Lodge in Houston and both collected us and returned us to our hotel. What a girl!

The reunion/gathering was a huge success, with old friends and new coming together and, despite having to listen to Julian pontificate about strategic plans and new initiatives, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely. Now it's off to College Station, the home to Texas A&M University, and a chance for Julian to get very depressed about the resources his opposite number at this most successful of Texan universities has at his disposal to keep their alumni happy. I have pointed out that the Aggies, as they are called, don't have a sheep like me, but he merely retorts that we don't have 85,000 alumni coming to every home match to watch the 1st XV stuff Bangor. There's no pleasing some people.

It ain't half hot, Mum

Gawd it's hot in 'ere.  I gather in Aber its about 40 degrees at the moment.  So it is in Perth, merely with a different temperature measuring system, or so Julian says.  He has tried to explain to me the difference between Fahrenheit and Centigrade, or is it Celsius, or does it matter if they are the same ... except Fahrenheit isn't the same, or so I'm told.  Anyway, I'm roast lamb and you lot in Wales are cold as mutton, I gather.

Anyway, it's off to the University Club of Western Australia (calling another university UWA is bound to cause loads of problems even though we are desperately trying to get everyone to call us Aberystwyth University these days and still finding embarrassing examples of our not having updated some of our signs and documents yet) where the facilities are wonderful, the beer cold, and the welcome predictably warm.  John Watts was our saviour for the evening, having sorted out the venue and helped us navigate some of the interesting bureaucracy.  He was joined by stalwart supporters Don and Anne Boyer, not to mention Roger Dean and Michael Hession - to name but two.  There were lots of newcomers too and even a lost sheep (a somewhat inappropriate metaphor I would suggest) who turned up out of the blue and much appreciated for all that (Good on yer, Stefan).

Of course, being Perth, 90% of those present were Geologists.  Now, I need to digress briefly:  Western Australia is undergoing a natural resources boom with massive labour shortages and ridiculous amounts of money being available for anyone from kitchen helpers via truck drivers to petrochemists willing to be flown into the outback to help dig up anything that doesn't move on a two week on, two week off, basis.  Cue the geologists, aka Gods in their own lunchtimes.  If they say dig in a place, it gets dug.

Imagine the incredulity, therefore, when we found a geologist within the room who was working for a bank!  In any event, Julian was saved from lynching as the representative of the place that had merged its geology department with the hated geographers for the second year running (thanks to some nifty footwork and a hatload of blarney) and the evening rolled on very pleasantly indeed.  Again, Anne Boyer held me for the photograph as last year and was just as respectful as before.  Julian got sunburnt, the friends that put him up wished he had gone to the hotel, and his hosts small hairy dog was looking at me with a mixture of hunger and lust which I am now glad to be away from.

Now just the final venue of this trip - Dubai.  It's been a year - I wonder if we'll recognise the skyline?

If we hold it, they will come

Sydney is a slightly odd place, primarily because people live, work and visit here for so many and various reasons.  Australia generally tries hard not to have class distinctions (with varying degrees of success) and their city centres did not grow up over hundreds of years like in Blighty.  Thus, pinstripes vie with flip flops as the dress code, and major company office blocks are often right next door to a backpackers' hostel.  For a sheep, it is a cosmopolitan wonderland of differing cultures, costumes, attitudes and behaviour.

Our venue for the evening, a wonderful little "boutique" beer temple called the Redoak, played host to a similarly varied group of Aberites, young and old, old hands and recent arrivals, academics and commercial types.  More importantly, we tripled the attendance from just a year ago.  If we hold it, they will come indeed.

We were particularly honoured to have Richard Morris as our guest, the Consul General for New South Wales and the Director General of UK Trade and Investment in Australasia.  Refreshingly, he would rather for the evening just be a fellow Aber grad and was treated as such, and a great companion he proved to be.  Roger Donbavand, a member of Aber's Development Advisory Board had but recently arrived in Australia, and Simon Ashley was, as ever, our most genial of hosts.  He also took Julian for a "nightcap" afterwards, but wiser counsel prevailed for once and my intrepid companion was tucked up in bed in time for a modicum of sleep before the early departure to the airport for the flight to Perth.

I had been treated to a suitably respectful audience with Richard during the afternoon at the British Consulate where the view over Sydney Harbour was truly breathtaking.  Not as good as the view from Consti, you understand, but close!

Raffles and Vertigo

Singapore - clearly one of the entrepreneurial capitals of the world.  You can tell a lot about a country from their media.  In Singapore, the local radio intersperses interviews with experts explaining the benefits of networking events for your business with little "tips of the day" on obscure English pronounciation - the lingua franca of business here.  The presumption is that everybody has their own business, and probably most people do, from the tiny stall to the megacompanies.  If you don't make your own fortune through business then you are presumed to be at least playing the stock market, and tips and trends also wing their way across the airwaves regularly.

Now, for a fashion-conscious sheep who thinks that a stock market is a pen at a Builth Wells sheep auction, this is somewhat confusing.  So I decided not to try and fathom the intracacies of integrated capitalism and instead suffered from severe vertigo in our hotel.  This is called the Holiday Inn Atrium for a good reason.  Its got an atrium.  For the uninitiated, this is a very big hole around which those of a delicate disposition hug the walls as they walk shakily from the lift (which is glass) to their room.  Think High Anxiety for those of you who are film buffs.

One has to wonder how many guests they lose per year as the slightly tipsy bounce off the walls and disappear over the non-too-high guardrails thirty floors up.  One equally has to say, however, that it's highly impressive.

But enough of these side-issues.  We are here to meet alumni and meet them we did.  At the aptly-named Blarney restaurant and bar (Julian was in his element), a great cross-section of alumni (another apt metaphore for Singapore itself) gathered for an evening of nostalgia and forward-thinking.  Andrew Jones and Duncan Edwards were our hosts and, in a country where ties are rarely seen being just 85 miles north of the equator, duly were presented with University ties and tie-pins as a modest thank-you by the Vice Chancellor.  There were a few no-shows (shame on you all) but more than enough guests to keep the chat going and the ties renewed (as well as the new ties).

Too hot to stay inside (I am told that the coldest temperature ever recorded in Singapore was 21C) we drifted out to the terrace where we could marvel at the new financial district, most of which appeared to have been built since our visit a year ago and all on reclaimed land.  This is a can-do society!

The following day, we had some free time before the Vice-Chancellor's plane departed back to Blighty and became unashamed tourists.  Raffles Hotel was a must (Julian's family will now know most of what they are getting for Christmas this year after his visit to the gift shop) as was the National Museum of Singapore and the ubiquitous Singapore Sling.  Then it was back to the hotel, a farewell to Prof McMahon, then a few hours of kip before a very early start to the aiport for the flight to Sydney.

BB with VC in KL

To Kuala Lumpur, always one of the high points of any alumni trip, where we joined up with our new Vice Chancellor, Prof April McMahon, and, as a result, where Julian had a stern word with me about being on my best behaviour.  I ask you, when did you ever see a badly-behaved sheep?  We have a limited range of activities at the best of times - stand, eat, chew, move around a bit, chew some more.

The grand old man of Malaysian alumni, Tan Sri Arshad Ayub, honoured us with a meeting at our hotel where serious and weighty matters were discussed which went right over my head (okay, that isn't particularly high but you get the picture).

Tan Sri Arshad Ayub with fellow Fellow Datuk Zawiyah Baba

Julian was having great trouble getting his room/lift card to work.  Having failed to authorise the lift to take him to his floor and, after someone else helped him in that first attempt, subsequently being unable to enter his room, he stomped off down to reception to complain.  The charming and utterly polite receptionist checked the card and assured him that it was working perfectly, but, since this wasn't placating the irascible quasi-Irishman, sent a bellboy back up with him to check.  The liveried attendant took the card and rapidly slid it numerous times into the slot until it finally turned green and allowed entry:  "See," he said, "there's nothing wrong with the keycard.  These locks, however, are all bloody useless."

Regular perusers of this blog will know that Aber's Malaysian alumni are unparalleled in their pride, enthusiasm, passion and loyalty to the College by the Sea.  Despite it being a long holiday weekend, the usual chaotic traffic on a Friday evening, and very short notice, some eighty Aberites appeared at the delightful lakeside restaurant which was hosting the reunion event.  Not just numbers, either.  There were three Malaysian Fellows of the University present (including a "royal") as well as the whole distinguished Committee of the Aber Alumni Club in Malaysia and the Vice Chancellor of the Islamic University.  It was quite hard to shine in such distinguished company, especially when I found myself stuck on the lazy susan and going round and round - fortunately it was a fish restaurant and no-one cast hungry looks at me as I whizzed past.

There were speeches, gifts, donations, more speeches, more gifts (even Julian got a couple) and what was particularly pleasing was a large cohort of very recent Aber graduates lending their not inconsiderable volume to the occasion. 

Now it's off to Singapore - no rest for the wicked.

Lying on the shoulders of giants

Hong Kong - it's a wonderful place but not, it has to be said, particularly sheep-friendly insofar as grass is not abundant and I was chased off the Hong Kong Football Club grounds and the Happy Valley Racecourse when I tried to have a quiet chomp. I wouldn't have thought they would have missed a few mouthfuls but I suppose they have to have rules for everyone.

It was back to the wonderfully restrained and elegant Hong Kong Club for our alumni reception on Wednesday evening. Giles Surman was our host again and the turnout was excellent, with both old and new friends turning up to enjoy the company and outstanding refreshments. There was one comment I did not appreciate ("Ah, you've still got that bloody sheep") but took it with good grace. I'm also delighted to say that the car stickers went down rather well and I am looking forward to hearing about the sightings of our "Aber Alumni - still kicking the Bar" message all over the island, Kowloon and the New Territories.

A quick word for Julia Surman who was laid up in hospital - you were sadly missed and get better soon.

As it was, I hung on to Giles' shoulder like grim death in order for the photographer Julian (David Bailey he ain't) to take the necessary snapshot and the evening, as usual, overran and we were being politely but firmly shooed out of the reception room by the end.

Julian's speech concerning the importance of employability for our students and graduates was particularly well received and he came away with some excellent ideas and offers for Aber's latest cohort of bright young things. We have now arrived in Kuala Lumpur where it is significantly hotter. Julian is melting with a significant lack of grace and humour whilst I have yet to leave the air-conditioning of my hotel room. Today we have the honour of a meeting with Tan Sri Arshad Ayub before this evening's meal with the huge following of Aberites we have here. More soon.

Useful tips for travellers

Well, we are on our way again.  Me, that is, and the resident idiot Julian who has kidnapped me yet again for a global odyssey.  At least, I hope it's not an odyssey as there is a rather nice ram making eyes at me just south of Borth and whom I'm not expecting to wait twenty years for my return.

Be that as it may, because I doubt, dear reader, you are particularly interested in the romantic leanings of an ovine entrepreneur, we are off on our travels and have just arrived at the first port of call - Hong Kong.  Now you might reasonably expect that Julian, who has travelled the globe on many occasions, a seasoned traveller, a veritable Marco Polo of academic adventurism, would know what he was doing when it comes to organising himself, local customs etc.  How wrong you can be.  Here is a little check list for you all which I would strongly suggest you commit to memory:

1. If you shave, take a razor.
2. If you have a beard trimmer, pack it with the button turned to "off" so that the battery isn't flat when you arrive.
3. Ditto the electric toothbrush.
4. Ditto your Kindle.
5. Take the chargers for items in points 2, 3 and 4.
6. Don't decide to walk from your meeting back to the hotel (about 3 miles) and expect there to be any public conveniences on the way.
7. Get very concerned when the taxi driver has never heard of your hotel or even the street it is on.
8. Never believe a travel agent (see above).
9. Never eat in a restaurant owned by the cousin of the concierge.
10. Never believe a concierge over the definition of "restaurant".

And that's just the first 36 hours of this journey.  I look forward, dear readers, to keeping you apprised of the remainder of Julian's howlers.  Tomorrow is our first event, another great do at the Hong Kong club courtesy of our great friend, Giles Surman.  Apart from not having seen a blade of grass since I got here, the weather is comfortable (locals = freezing), the people as always (concierges notwithstanding) helpful and charming, and I'm just off for a perm and blow-dry - well, a sheep has to look her best after all.